Dog Owners Who Truly Love Their Dogs Don't Dress Them in Clothing

Americans sure love their dogs. They feed them expensive cuts of meats, sleep with them in their beds, send them to doggie daycare, build special parks to exercise them, dress them in fancy clothing, pay for psychiatric sessions when they are troubled, include them in their holiday cards, and leave them ridiculously large inheritances.

I’m a big pet lover myself, but this obsession with Fido is way out of control. Just the other day, I came across an Internet photo of a pampered pooch in some pink and white frou-frou outfit. Another dog show, no doubt. The animal had a pained expression across its face like it was totally embarrassed to be the walking stuffed animal it had become. I think it wanted to scream, “Help! Get me out of here! My owner is out of his mind!”

The poor thing looked positively pathetic. I’m surprised a chivalrous German Shepherd didn’t leap from the sidelines to defend its honor. For enduring the shame of being seen in this monstrosity, the pooch deserved an award for best in show, or at the very least, a super-sized bowl of kibble.

If you’re a fan of The Tonight Show, you may already know how much Jay Leno detests animals in clothing. That got me thinking. How many funny photographs of clothed animals could I find on the Internet? Why not collect a bunch and send them to Jay? Better yet, I could conduct an informal study to determine whether clothed animals looked happy or sad in their designer duds.

Animal clothing aficionados take note. The results are not pretty. I set up a public i-Lighter folder labeled “Dogs in Clothing” in case anyone doubts the many looks of pain and humiliation; however, the following photos* should be proof enough.

My owner wanted a stuffed animal.

I've been a very very very bad dog.

Please help me. My family has money.

Say one word about the dress and I'll rip your head off.

Hey, buddy, you won't think it's so funny when I sink my teeth in your chubby behind.

Despite my very cute demeanor, I plan to make my owner suffer gravely for this.

My Bar(k) Mitzvah is my owner's way of telling you people she has no life. Please, for my sake, help her get a life.

Grrrr. Grrrr. They must think because they emasculated me that I can't fight back.

Man, have a heart. Clowns are scary and clown dogs are the scariest.

Conclusion: Americans must not love their dogs as much as they think.

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*If you believe any of the posted photographs violate copyright provisions, please contact me and I will be happy to remove them from this site.